Tuesday, May 27, 2014

38 Weeks

How far along? 38 weeks

Weight gain? 38 lbs - Holding steady this week with no weight gain

Baby is the size of - a small pumpkin

Stretch marks? Still haven't spotted any!

Sleep? Sleep …. I only wish I could sleep.  Currently I'm running on 4 hours of uneasy sleep.

Miss anything?  Sleep and moving with ease

Cravings? Fruit mostly this week and Dr Pepper

Anything make you queasy or sick?  Nope, other than things prior mentioned

Symptoms? Insanely intense pelvic pain.  Getting up at night brings me close to tears it's so painful.  I look like a pokey old granny doing the two foot shuffle instead of walking when I have to get up at night.

Belly button - In or out? It's an outie and it's definitely not cute by any means!  Haha

Wedding rings - on or off? They are still off

Any movement? Jaxon is still trying his best to stretch my belly out to accommodate him better but it's not working.  Obviously, he's uncomfortable and so am I!

Happy or moody? I've not been a beaming ray of sunshine but I've not been a thundercloud either.

What emotions have you been experiencing this week?  This week I've been stressing over going back to work after Jaxon is here.  It's upsetting already, I know I'll have to do it but it doesn't mean that I have to like it.   

Looking forward to - Seeing John hold our son for the very first time.  I know it'll absolutely melt my heart a million times over.  Maybe this sounds a little selfish, but I'm also looking forward to not having to share my body with Jaxon; it's getting beyond painful.

Week 38 Fun Fact - Jaxon is still continuing to gain weight with each week.  At this point his head is about the same circumference as his abdomen.

Our hospital bags are packed, his room is finished and now, we wait…. We had another checkup this past Friday with McArthur.  We are now at the "full-term" mark.  Yay.  Strangely enough, I've stopped gaining weight even though Jaxon is continuing to gain weight weekly.  It's been a struggle with food lately because I know that I need to be eating a lot more than what I tend to do on most days but I feel so full already that I have no appetite or when I start eating I fill up after only a few bites.   I had contractions most of the night Thursday night but nothing that stayed consistent.  The OB checked me for dilation but I haven't dilated anymore than I had three weeks ago when I was at only a fingertip dilated.  Not the news we wanted to hear but on a positive note, it's looking like he's definitely going to be a June baby.  John would love to share his birthday week with Jaxon and it's looking like there's a very good chance of that.

This whole week I've been struggling a lot with the thoughts of having to go back to work after just a few short weeks after Jaxon's arrival.  It's been on my mind a lot and it's hard to put those thoughts on the back burner while I'm filling out FMLA forms and realizing just how quickly my time with him, being fully focused on him and not work, will be.  Growing up, I was never the girl that wanted kids (funny how things change).  A lot of that was due the the fact that I didn't want to be a working mom but always knew that times had changed from when I was born and most mom's work now.  Paying someone else to spend precious time with my child was something I didn't even want to think about, but now I have to think about it.  I know that being a full time stay at home mom is not in the cards currently but it doesn't make the idea settle any easier with me.  Lots of prayers are being said that when the time comes to go back, that I will know without a doubt that I'm doing the right thing and what's best for our family at the time.

 Yesterday was Memorial Day so we were both off from work.  It was a beautiful day to get out and enjoy the sunshine and our freedom but not forgetting those who paid the ultimate price for our freedom.  The North Buncombe High School Band set up a flag display of 600 flags.  They were absolutely gorgeous to see.  Flags could be purchased in memory of or in honor of our military veterans.  We purchased one for each of John's papaws as well as one for a fallen hero John had met during his time in Afghanistan.  My papaw already had one placed in the field for him but we made sure to find it.  In the picture of the two of us in front of the flags we are actually standing next to papaw Coy's flag.  It's hard thinking that Jaxon will grow up never knowing him, he was such an amazing person, but I'm sure I'll be telling him all about him over the years.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Dear Jaxon…. A letter to my unborn son

Jaxon Miles Bratz,

I can't believe that we are a week and a half away from your due date!  Momma and Daddy are so excited to meet you.  I'm sure from now until you are born will be the longest days of my life with so much anticipation built up.  Everything is prepared for your arrival, now we just wait.

The waiting gives me time to think and reflect back on how much can change in a person's life due to one thing.  That thing can simply be wrapped up into one word, LOVE.  You see, your daddy and I never imagined we'd ever be anxiously awaiting the arrival of a child of our own.  We never imagined as individuals that we'd settle down and get married either.  Nor did we ever imagine that we'd end up moving back to our hometown.  Yet here we are living in the town we grew up (for the most part, your daddy lived in NY for part of his childhood before moving a mile away from me).  It took your daddy some time to convince me to let him take me on a date, years actually, but it was all in God's timing and His timing was perfect.  Our first date, to Boston and New York, was beyond words but I knew that your daddy was unlike anyone else I'd ever met.  I knew he was the one God intended me to be with.  Our relationship fell into place with no reservations and no doubts.  After a year into our relationship daddy called your granddaddy from Afghanistan and asked if he approved for us to get married.  Of course granddaddy said that he wasn't giving me away but your daddy could gladly join our family. We were married while daddy was home for R&R from Afghanistan.  It was a small wedding in Nashville, TN, that's how we like to do things, even if it did upset some.  When we found out you would be coming into our lives, we were so excited and now we are anxiously awaiting your arrival.  Some days your daddy just looks at me and says he wished he could send me a picture of how life is now to my former self 5 years ago.  Love changed everything about the way we lived, saw life and looked at the future.  One day you too will see that love changes everything, even in your own life.

The first thing that your daddy said when I let him know that we were expecting was, "Please God don't let it be a girl."  Your daddy prayed hard for a little mister and he almost hit the roof (literally) the day he heard the words, "it's a boy."  Jaxon, your daddy loves you so much and he has big plans for you two.  He talks to you daily so I have no doubt that you will know exactly who he is on your birthday and you will already have a special bond.  Which is a good thing, because I'm not so sure he's going to share you once he gets his hands on you!  I can't wait to see you with your daddy.  He's awesome, which you will soon find out.  He has a heart of gold and will give his all in everything he does and you little one will be no exception to that.  

Your middle name, although not a family name, has so much meaning for me and your daddy.  You see, there were several thousand miles that separated us for years while he was in Afghanistan, but it drew us to one another.  We learned who each other was in ways that most spouses never get to.  We are thankful in that sense for the miles.  They drew us so close to each other and we proved that distance means nothing when someone means so much.  One day, we hope that you will keep in mind just what the Miles means and know that there was a lot of love behind the meaning of your name, it wasn't just a name we saw and liked.  Miles was part of our definition but we used it to make us stronger not pull us apart.  And you, Jaxon Miles, are making us even stronger than we could imagine and we still haven't met you.

As you grow older, I hope you have the patience with us that we will have to have with you as you learn about growing up and we learn about parenthood.  We are a little terrified that the hospital is actually going to send us home with you to raise but we are looking forward to the challenge.  

I can't wait to meet you my son!

Love - Momma 

Monday, May 19, 2014

37 Weeks

How far along? 37 weeks

Weight gain? 38 lbs -Yes, I lost weight this past week.  A 4lbs loss was definitely shocking!

Baby is the size of - a watermelon - yikes!

Stretch marks? Still haven't spotted any.  From the feel of my skin stretching from the weight of my belly, I'm completely shocked and still praying that I don't get any!

Sleep? Sleep ….remind me what that is again?  The best sleep I get is after I hit the snooze

Miss anything?  Moving with ease.

Cravings? Fruit and meat.  The look on John's face when he noticed I'd sat down next to him on the couch with a half of a watermelon and a spoon was priceless.  Hey, this girl wanted some watermelon!  

Anything make you queasy or sick? Still the aftermath of giving birth makes me queasy…

Symptoms? Pelvic pain is back and in full force.  It has been a miserably painful week.  So painful that I've resorted to sleeping with a heating pad between my legs in hopes to get even just the slightest bit of relief.  It doesn't really help but I keep telling myself that it might be more painful without the heating pad.  I'm seriously trying to fool myself into believing that…

Belly button - In or out? It's an outie and it's definitely not cute by any means!  Haha

Wedding rings - on or off? They are still off and I'm slowly coming to terms to that they will be till after delivery. Have I mentioned how much I miss wearing them?!

Any movement? He's been working on his leg muscles a lot this week.  We've found humor in my insanely crazy shaped belly, especially when he completely stretches his legs out!  We press against his feet and the other side of my belly (his butt) will protrude even further out.

Happy or moody? I've definitely not been a ray of sunshine this week, but I wouldn't consider myself moody either.  It always helps to have a husband that's as awesome as mine to keep be going and smiling when otherwise I wouldn't feel like it.

What emotions have you been experiencing this week? The holy smokes they are really going to let us take a baby home to raise emotions have been hitting me hard this week!  Of course since day one we've known that life is going to change so much with a baby but it's really sinking in now that everything is done and we're just waiting now.  I'm thrilled, I'm excited, I'm scared but most importantly I'm really looking forward to this adventure known as parenthood!   

Looking forward to - Seeing John hold our son for the very first time.  I know it'll absolutely melt my heart a million times over.

Week 37 Fun Fact - Jaxon is still continuing to gain weight.

There's not much to highlight for this week.  I did start my weekly appointments this week with the OB.  Nothing says you are getting close to delivery day like knowing you have weekly appointments from here on out and noticing that your belly has "dropped."  Our bags are packed, including snacks for L&D for John and afterwards for the both of us.  John has the carseat loaded and secured into the Jeep, he even took it by the fire department to have it inspected to make sure it was correct.  We are ready and we are as prepared as prepared can be when it comes to bringing a child into the world.  I don't think anyone could ever honestly say they are fully prepared, but we are as much as possible.
Jaxon, we are beyond excited to meet you! 

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

36 Weeks

How far along? 36 weeks

Weight gain? 42 lbs

Baby is the size of - a honeydew melon

Stretch marks? None! Yay!

Sleep? Sleep has been an absolute struggle once again this week.  I'm sure since Jaxon is head down and constantly putting pressure on my pelvic bones that it's not going to change until he's out.

Miss anything?  Moving with ease.

Cravings? Fruit.  I think I could eat my weight in honeydew this week, which is kind of disturbing considering that Jaxon's size is comparable to a honeydew.

Anything make you queasy or sick? Lately I've been looking past the delivery day and the actual recovery and how I'll feel during the process makes me a little queasy.  I have my supply for making "padcicles" and they will be made soon and waiting for me in the freezer.

Symptoms? Pelvic pain is back and in full force.

Belly button - In or out? It's quite the outie anymore

Wedding rings - on or off? This has been the first full week without them.  Have I mentioned how much I miss wearing them?!

Any movement? He's still making my stomach look all sorts of abstract this week.  Poor fella has ran out of room but boy he puts in a strong effort to stretch!  He's going to have some strong leg muscles!

Happy or moody? It's overall been a happy week.  Being this uncomfortable, it's hard to be a ray of sunshine all the time anymore.  Little things and comments sting a little more than usual, but I bite my tongue.

What emotions have you been experiencing this week? I've had to keep my emotions in check this week, as I'm sure I'll have to do for the rest of the pregnancy.  I'm quick to speak my mind with no filter but to add constant uncomfortableness into the mix, I've found that I just need to bite my tongue more than usual.

Looking forward to - Seeing his face and holding him for the first time!  We are so antsy to have him here!  I'm looking forward to this coming weekend as well, John is off from work for the whole weekend!  You have no idea how happy this makes me….seriously.

Week 36 Fun Fact - Jaxon's continuing to fatten up at this point.  His lungs are still developing but he could survive outside the womb at this point.

This week marked my first "unofficial" Mother's Day.  With all of Jaxon's stretching and movements he made sure that while I may not have him to share with everyone else yet that yes, I am in fact his mother.  He made sure to keep me extra comfortable at times just so I didn't forget that I reckon.  It was a good day overall, even if John did have to work the majority of the day he was able to spend spend the last part of it with me.  I even got a special pot of flowers from church for having the "youngest child."  Mother's Day was something I thought I'd never share personally as a mother.  Crazy how love and years can change a person's mind.

This week was also the start to my weekly OB appointments.  What a milestone moment that they like to commemorate with the Strep B test.  Sweet heavens I'm glad I googled that before I went in to the appointment!  After she'd completely violated me with a cotton swab, the OB asked if I wanted her to check to see if I had dilated any.  Of course if I'm going to put the effort into getting my clothes off and having to put them back on, on top of being violated, by all means make it completely worth the effort and pain I thought.  I'm a fingertip dilated, don't get excited y'all it was only a fingertip!  He's in position though.  Poor Jaxon may come out cross eyed from the OB shaking his head back and forth between my bones just to "make sure it was his head."

And for those wondering, our bags are 95% packed now.  I had to order Jaxon an extra diaper bag since the one I really wanted is still on backorder and has been for over 3 months now.  Seriously, how does one get their heart set on a diaper bag only to find it's been backordered?!  Only me, only me…. 

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

35 Weeks

How far along? 35 weeks

Weight gain? 40 lbs as of last week

Baby is the size of - a small roasting chicken

Stretch marks? None! Yay!

Sleep? Sleep is getting harder and harder.  I tend to take pretty long evening naps nowadays since it's hard to get comfortable enough to sleep through the night.  Everyone tends to ask if it's because I have to pee so many times during the night and the answer is no, I usually only get up once very late into the night to pee.  I always wake up anytime I move because my pelvic bones get so stiff.

Miss anything?  Cuddling with John on the couch; my belly is entirely too big for that now.

Cravings? Lucky Charms are still topping the cravings list again this week.  Also cranberries.  And Dr Pepper, some days I've not been able to stop at one can but I forced myself to stop after two.  Today we had chicken for lunch and I wanted it dipped in sour cream.

Anything make you queasy or sick? The thought of getting Jaxon out is starting to make me queasy but in terms of actually being sick or queasy, there's nothing that does that.

Symptoms? Pelvic pain is back and in full force.

Belly button - In or out? It's poking out a little more this week

Wedding rings - on or off? I finally took them off.  John was getting nervous that if something happened they'd have to cut them off.  I can't wait to have them back on!

Any movement? He's been trying his best to stretch out and get comfortable but the last two days getting comfortable seems impossible for me and him.  Sorry Jaxon, God blessed me with several things but a long torso was not one of them!

Happy or moody? It's been a trying week….

What emotions have you been experiencing this week? I've had such a trying time this week, his size along with the extra pregnancy pounds have been increasingly getting more uncomfortable by the hour it seems like.  I'm not one to cry but last night I was so miserable I could've bawled for hours if I would've let myself. Just moving my leg the slightest would set off the most horrible pelvic pain.

Looking forward to - Seeing his face and holding him for the first time!  We are so antsy to have him here!

Week 35 Fun Fact - Jaxon's immune system and nervous system is still maturing and he's continuing to add fat that he'll need to regulate his body temperature.  Everything else from his toenails to the hairs on his head are all completely formed.  If born at this stage, there's a 99% chance of survival!

This past week has been pretty eventful and busy.  I finally finished his adjustable crib skirt and got the furniture arranged in his room to allow for maximum space.  It still looks so cramped in there but I think it will be better once we get everything organized and put away.  The final touches should be added this coming week once I get his curtains and the wall art finished up.  John also got his carseat base/carseat put into the car.  Yay, now we can [legally] bring him home once he's here!  I also started getting things prepared for the hospital.  It's not in a suitcase or bag yet, but there's a little pile next to the suitcase.  I just can't bring myself to put it in there just yet.  I keep thinking that if I don't pack it, delivery day won't come.  Yes, I know, I delusional.

After the tumor was removed
What's that gross thing on your back?  Oh it's just a pregnancy tumor.  What?  Yeah, I'd never heard of such a thing either.  I had a spot on my back that in about 6 weeks time went from the size of a tiny pimple to bigger than my fingertip.  It wasn't pleasant looking at all either.  So embarrassing.  If I left it uncovered it usually hardened and but looked super gross and if I covered it with a bandaid the top would fall off and it would be oozing.  Neither of which were attractive or what I wanted on my back so I ended up at the dermatologist where it was cut out and sent off for a biopsy.  Luckily, the biopsy was negative but it was still considered a pregnancy tumor nonetheless. I've decided that if there's an oddity to be add during pregnancy that I'm sure to get it!  First "broken crotch" now a pregnancy tumor what's left?  There's still time for something else…haha.