Saturday, February 16, 2013

In His Time

I read a quote tonight that said, "If you want to know where you heart is, look at where you mind goes when it wanders."  Where does your mind go when it wanders?  For me, mine goes straight to my husband.  So much that I often times wonder what in the world I thought about before him!  I feel like a kid most days with this overwhelming crush on him.  He came into my life and it was no longer "my" life, it was OUR life.  He's my biggest fan and cheerleader and I am the same to him.

Lately I've been frustrated about finding a job in Charleston.  It's what I focus on daily, I literally stalk the government job postings for openings in Charleston.  After months of trying, I finally got an email saying that my application had been approved and that it was being sent to the Charleston VA for a possible interview.  [Anyone that has ever went through the process of applying for or transferring inside the government knows how this is not a quick or "sure thing" process]  Oh how my world completely lit up when I read that email, I was literally jumping with excitement when I read it!  I was so excited to get that call, but it never came.  Tonight, I got an email saying that the position had been filled.  Absolute heartbreak.  I wanted to call John right away and tell him the "horrible and disheartening" news, but I had to wait till he woke up and called me (darned timezones).  When John called I was upset and rather discouraged.  Instead of falling into the well of hopelessness that I had let myself start sliding into, he told me that it just wasn't meant to be and that the perfect job for me would come along.  He told me they don't know what they are missing.  He told me all the things I needed to hear and not because he's my husband and he feels obligated to do so, but because he really does believe in me.  I really don't know what I would do without him, seriously.  The closer the time comes to when he said he would be home, the more nervous I get about the fact that I don't have a job already lined up in Charleston.  We've lived our lives apart for so long, I don't want to continue once he is stateside.  I've been trying so hard and honestly, overlooked who was in ultimate control.  So here's my declaration to God and everyone else as a witness, I'm completely turning it over to Him, COMPLETELY.  I will do my part such as applying for the jobs that I am qualified for and with that knowing that there is nothing further that I can do.  God will give me the job he sees fit, when he sees fit and I have absolutely no choice other than to accept it!

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