Time....slow down

Has it really been almost 6 months?!  Holy smokes, I feel like we've jumped into a time accelerator from the moment we left the hospital with Jaxon!  It's hard to write this update and try not to make it sound like one big cliche after another.  I never imagined I'd have the lifestyle I'm now living.  Five years ago my mind was set that I would never get married and I definitely wouldn't have children.  Ummmmmm... John blew that thinking all to pieces!  We constantly ask each other what the heck we did to each other!  Life has changed drastically for us over the years and it's all been for the better.

It's been nice hearing how many people enjoyed my pregnancy journal!  I'm glad I was able to shed a light on some of the things to come for those that were/are expecting.  After the experiences I've had since finding out I was pregnant all the way though postpartum, I've decided that someone needs to write a book about all the crap no one tells you!  I've learned that a lot of women are tight lipped about the realities of pregnancy, delivery and postpartum. It's definitely not all bliss filled with 24-hour perma-grin plastered across your face!  Just mention the words first poop to any mother and just see the look of pain run across their face!  Yeah ladies, you know you just cringed a little thinking about that moment when you broke out in a sweat and prayed God wouldn't take you out in such a manner.  But, you survived so how about warning your expecting friends?!  No one will complain if you take the element of surprise away when it comes to something like that! 

I feel like most days now it's a struggle to feel confident about my appearance.  We have a trip coming up soon and we'll be attending wedding.  Every dress that I've tried on, I've looked like a busted can of biscuits (even the dresses that weren't tight).  Things are so awkwardly out of shape at the moment.  I know, I know, I'm well aware that I've had a baby and it will take time but still it's not easy.  It's definitely a struggle.  I think the most confident
I've ever been in my life was when I was pregnant, I actually miss the bump (not the pains)!  I've also realized that God has a sense of humor once again and it's directed towards me.  After all the shameless prayers for no stretch marks, I've found some as my body has been readjusting.  I have stretch marks on my rear...yep, my bum!  Not only are they there but I have a symetrical pair of marks on both sides.  Go figure. Well played stretch marks, well played….. All the weight that I was told would "fall right off," no one told me it would be in the weight of my hair.  Thankfully that has subsided for the most part.  For a while there I was thinking that I was going to end up bald.  Seriously, HAIR EVERYWHERE.

Life with baby is definitely different.  No more spur of the moment ventures, even a trip to the grocery store requires proper planning and timing.  Sleep is a thing of the past.  Notice it's been almost 6 months since I posted and almost 6 months since he came into this world this is by no coincidence. In only 5 short months he's already changed so much that I'm begging for time to slow down.  He has such a personality now.  He's already nonstop and he can't even walk….

Life is forever more in fast forward

Homemade Caramel Pie

Out of all the holiday "normals" that one can pick to be their "normal" I sure as heck picked a time consuming treat!  How can you resist caramel pie though?  Seriously, I want to know?!  Here's instructions on how you too can fall into the task of having to bring the caramel pie to the holiday festivities…..

Homemade Caramel Pie

2 cans Eagle Brand Sweetened Milk

1 Tbsp Olive Oil (optional)

1 pie shell or 12 mini shells

Milk Chocolate Chips

Chopped Pecans

Whipped topping

Instructions:  Remove labels from the cans of Eagle Brand Sweetened Milk and place on their side in a large pot.  Fill the pot with water so the cans are completely submerged.  Add 1 Tbsp of Olive Oil to the water.  With the stovetop on HIGH bring water to a boil.  Once at a boil, turn the cans 180 degrees and replenish the water (it does evaporate, keep those cans completely covered at all times) every 30 minutes for a total of 3 hours.  Once the cans have boiled for 3 hours remove from heat.  Keep in mind these cans are HOT, I typically pour the cans out into the sink while I'm draining out the water.  Allow the cans to cool for 2 hours.  Once cooled, open cans and spoon into a pie shell(s).  Top with whipped topping, chopped pecans and chocolate chips.

*Yes, the stovetop must remain on HIGH for the whole 3 hour boiling period.  Look at it is as though you are getting a free pass to the spa because your kitchen and home will turn into a moist sauna!  

*I say the Olive Oil is optional because I read that it helps the caramel boil more evening.  I've never tested whether this is actually true or not because I'm not spending 3 hours to find out if no olive oil equals lumpy scorched caramel!  

Not a fan of pie?  No problem!  Use the caramel as a topping for ice cream, apples, etc. 

I secretly enjoy making these pies only because I know how delicious my family thinks they are and I think they are pretty scrumptious as well!  

Enjoy!!!

40 Weeks

How far along? 40 weeks

Weight gain? 42 lbs

Baby is the size of - a watermelon

Stretch marks? I'm seriously beyond shocked (as I'm sure some of you are as well) there have been no signs of stretch marks

Sleep? There is no sleep anymore, it's more like quick naps interrupted by excruciating pain.

Miss anything?  Sleep, having energy, being pain free

Cravings? Apples covered in about half a jar of peanut butter, sea salt and Nutella.  Sweets as well.  I had some Reese's cups packed in our L&D bag for John while we are at the hospital but I couldn't resist the urge anymore, they are now in the fridge and quickly disappearing!

Anything make you queasy or sick?  Nope, other than things prior mentioned

Symptoms? Pain, pain, pain…  so much pain that I'm actually looking forward to delivery day knowing that it's the only thing that will make this pelvic pain go away!  I've had some mild contractions this week but nothing major.

Belly button - In or out? My "turkey timer" says he's done…hehe!

Wedding rings - on or off? They are still off

Any movement? Jaxon still isn't slowing down, he's full of movement and stretches all the time.  Sometimes my stomach gets hard as a rock and I'm unable to move because of his position.  Take the hint Jaxon, you need to come on out!

Happy or moody? I've been more moody this week but I try to control it.  At this point in pregnancy, I would love to know of someone who's full of sunshine so I could find out what kind of drugs they are on!

What emotions have you been experiencing this week?  It's been an emotional week for me.  We went to our appoint on Friday (40 wks 2 days) so excited and left feeling completely deflated.  So much excited, not to mention so much pain and we both had in our minds that this was the weekend we'd welcome Jaxon into to the world.

Looking forward to - Seeing John hold our son for the very first time.  I know it'll absolutely melt my heart a million times over.  Maybe this sounds a little selfish, but I'm also looking forward to not having to share my body with Jaxon; it's getting beyond painful.  I'm looking forward to bringing him home and starting our new chapter in life as parents.

Week 40 Fun Fact - Jaxon IS stubborn just like his momma and his daddy agrees!  Also, this will be the last pregnancy blog update since I will be induced this coming week at 41 weeks & 2 days.  We're hoping and praying that he naturally makes his appearance before he's forced out but either way, he'll be here by next week!



So our "due date" has come and gone with no signs that Jaxon is ready to come out.  Since our appointment Friday was past our due date I was hooked up for NST monitoring.  NST is short for Fetal Non-Stress Test and let me tell you, there was no stressing on this momma-to-be either.  I got to kick back in a recliner as John and I listened to his heart beating.   I had a few mild contractions while hooked up but nothing crazy.  Jaxon's heart rate stayed around 130bpm with a high of 158 and low of 95.  We were told everything looked great on the monitor so we were put into an exam room so I could be checked for dilation.  Still only 1.5cm dilated.  The excited feeling completely drained right out of us upon hearing that.  The OB told us that she'd have her assistant schedule us for induction at the hospital in the coming week and that I would need to check in the night before for cervical ripening.  It took all I had not to completely fall apart at that point and the rest of the day to be quite honest.  We'd planned to go out for eggplant parmesan after the appointment but after hearing that I wasn't dilating I didn't know if it would be safe to induce labor.  Since they won't induce me at the hospital without dilating me first I wasn't sure I should try it.  If anyone knows if it is safe or not, please let me know! If not, and if things don't progress naturally, we are scheduled to check into the hospital on Thursday and I'll start pitocin early Friday morning.  In ways I think that it would be nice to go in the night before and have that time for just me and John and have everything more on a schedule (I'm a scheduled type of person) but on the same token I know every day he's in me at this point the risks get higher for him.

Saturday was John's birthday and unfortunately he had to work.  Boooo.  I'm really loving that he's not in Afghanistan anymore but I'm not loving the fact that he's always working.  He headed off to work and I tried my best to find a comfy position to get some more sleep.  I woke up a few times but laid in bed the majority of the morning just trying to relax.  Although the later in the day it got, the harder it got to relax because all I could think about was how I wished Jaxon would make his appearance for John's birthday.  It was a hard realization to come to and there might've been some tears momentarily shed over my disappointment that it wasn't going to happen.  People mentioning how they hoped he'd be born on his birthday only made it harder.  I know there was nothing I could've done to had changed it but deep down I couldn't help but feel like a total failure that it didn't happen.   After John got off from work I met him at Biltmore Estate where we took a nice waddly walk, yes, I waddle I have no shame to admit it at this point, and then we got some ice cream before heading to dinner.  We had Italian at Pomadoros.  It was our first time eating there and we will definitely be going back!  We headed home after that where I surprised him with some gifts and a Smores Blizzard ice cream cake from Dairy Queen!  Part of his birthday includes what will possibly be our first night out after Jaxon's arrival.  We will be going to see ZZ Top perform at the Biltmore Estate in July.  Yes, a babysitter is already lined up for us to get away for a couple hours that night!  It was a good day after I was able to be with him.  He has a way of putting a smile on my face when no one else can, especially the past few days. 

39 Weeks

How far along? 39 weeks

Weight gain? 40 lbs

Baby is the size of - a watermelon

Stretch marks? I'm seriously beyond shocked (as I'm sure some of you are as well) there have been no signs of stretch marks

Sleep? Sleep, I get it when I can.  I've found my best sleep comes in the early evening when I'm too exhausted to stay awake any longer.

Miss anything?  Sleep and moving with ease

Cravings? Apples covered in about half a jar of peanut butter, sea salt and Nutella.  I've devoured a canister of toasted coconut almonds this week.  I'm still eating Lucky Charms daily and craving Dr Pepper.

Anything make you queasy or sick?  Nope, other than things prior mentioned

Symptoms? Pain, pain, pain…  so much pain that I'm actually looking forward to delivery day knowing that it's the only thing that will make this pelvic pain go away!  I've done lots of deep squats and sat on a large exercise ball this week to help ease the pain and it does help momentarily but I can't do that stuff around the clock, although, the thought has crossed my mind!

Belly button - In or out? It's an outie and it's definitely not cute by any means! (You can see it poking out in this weeks picture)  My "turkey timer" says he's done…hehe!

Wedding rings - on or off? They are still off

Any movement? Jaxon isn't slowing his movement down just because he's out of space.  The OB says it's a great thing and that most people don't feel their baby moving much at this point.  I sure hope she's got good hands because she's going to have to catch a circus monkey any day now!

Happy or moody? I've not been a beaming ray of sunshine but I've not been a thundercloud either.  I've tried to laugh as much as possible and not let my uncomfortableness show so much.

What emotions have you been experiencing this week?  This week I've still been stressing over going back to work after Jaxon is here.  I finished up my FMLA paper work and got it turned in this week, it wasn't easy I won't lie.  I'm in disbelief that this is (possibly) the last week, I'm nervous, I'm scared, I'm excited!

Looking forward to - Seeing John hold our son for the very first time.  I know it'll absolutely melt my heart a million times over.  Maybe this sounds a little selfish, but I'm also looking forward to not having to share my body with Jaxon; it's getting beyond painful.  I'm looking forward to bringing him home and starting our new chapter in life as parents.

Week 39 Fun Fact - Jaxon is still continuing to gain weight with each week.  He's in position and according to the OB, he's pretty far down into my pelvis already.  The last part of that was of no surprise, trust me, I know he's down there! (But exactly how far down down was a surprise, continue reading)

Me & my cousin Leslie.  She found out this week that she is having a little mister as well.  His due date is in October! 

Source

Week 39 started off pretty easy, I thought that I'd finally figured out how to ease the pelvic pain after positioning myself differently two nights in a row and waking up pain free.  Much to my disappointment, that only lasted two days…bummer!  But oh my, those two days of relief were AMAZING.  It was so nice to be able to move around with ease and feel human again!  We had another visit with the OB on Friday.  I like our choice of for an OB in that they let you have options as far as whether or not you'd like to be checked for progression during the visits.  At our last visit I was disappointed to find out we were only at 1/2cm and no effacement so I was on the fence about being checked this week, I didn't want to disappoint myself again if there had been no progression.  But, if I was going to have to go into the office, I was going for more than just to pee in a cup, check of the weight and BP and be informed that our due date is getting close.  It was a pleasant surprise to find out that I'm now dilated to 1.5cm, 70% effaced and he's down to a +2 station.  The OB said that he was at a +2 and mentioned that he was really far down into my pelvis.  I didn't think much of it because all anyone ever mentions is dilation and effacement.  Well I googled what the stations meant and holy smokes a 2+ looks like he's just ready to fall out according to the chart I found!  If only it were that easy but it definitely explains why the intensity of the pain has increased so much lately!  For anyone that is like me and only paid attention to dilation and effacement, I've added a diagram to show you the different stations.  After seeing this diagram, I'm ready to camp out in the parking lot of the hospital! No joke! I'm not the woman that wants to forgo the drugs, I don't want to feel him coming out.  Trust me, I know I'm a woman and I know what an amazing moment it will be to deliver Jaxon but I don't need to feel everything to know and appreciate what an amazing thing my body has done!

Yet again this week I've had returning to work heavy on my mind.  I finally got the paperwork finished up and turned in to HR.  It was beyond hard to turn in papers saying that I would return to work in only 9 weeks.  9 weeks…that seems like such a short amount of time at home with my little fella before returning to work.  Thank God they are willing to let me work from home initially when I return so I'm not stressing over a pump/work routine in the office.  At least I'll be at home and I'll be able to more easily transition.  I know that nothing is going to take the sting away completely but being allowed to ease back into work won't be as traumatic.

Jaxon's room has completely transformed over the past few weeks!  It's amazing to see the transition from a plain room to a Gamecock inspired nursery.  I did have my doubts when I agreed to using garnet and grey thinking that it would be too USC for me because everyone knows I'm a Vols fan!  The nursery turned out really well and we are both proud of it!  Here's a few pictures!  I made the crib skirt and the curtains.  My mom helped me out with the curtains since every time I'd get in the floor to cut fabric or measure my feet would swell up horribly.  Mom also hand knitted the quilt that is wrapped over the railing of his bed, we both LOVE it! 

This week also marked an important date for John & I!  Four years ago, I sent him an email telling him that I recalled him mentioning that he'd be home for R&R around the first part of June and that I would like to see him while he's home.  He'd tried for the longest time, years actually, but something told me that day that I should take a chance.  Just as luck would have it, the very day I sent the email, he was on his way back to Afghanistan and he'd just finished up his R&R.  It was disappointing at the time but now we know it was just part of God's plan.  It would now be 6 months before we could go on that first date so while we anxiously awaited those months to pass, we sent novel sized emails to one another daily.  When I picked him up at the airport that December, it felt more like I was picking up my best friend and soulmate moreso than picking up someone I hadn't seen since high school.  So where was our first date you might asked?  It was to Boston and New York!  His cousin was getting married and as anyone in contracting or military knows, you make the most of every single day of R&R leave and that is exactly what we did!  4 years and it just keeps getting better and better! 

38 Weeks

How far along? 38 weeks

Weight gain? 38 lbs - Holding steady this week with no weight gain

Baby is the size of - a small pumpkin

Stretch marks? Still haven't spotted any!

Sleep? Sleep …. I only wish I could sleep.  Currently I'm running on 4 hours of uneasy sleep.

Miss anything?  Sleep and moving with ease

Cravings? Fruit mostly this week and Dr Pepper

Anything make you queasy or sick?  Nope, other than things prior mentioned

Symptoms? Insanely intense pelvic pain.  Getting up at night brings me close to tears it's so painful.  I look like a pokey old granny doing the two foot shuffle instead of walking when I have to get up at night.

Belly button - In or out? It's an outie and it's definitely not cute by any means!  Haha

Wedding rings - on or off? They are still off

Any movement? Jaxon is still trying his best to stretch my belly out to accommodate him better but it's not working.  Obviously, he's uncomfortable and so am I!

Happy or moody? I've not been a beaming ray of sunshine but I've not been a thundercloud either.

What emotions have you been experiencing this week?  This week I've been stressing over going back to work after Jaxon is here.  It's upsetting already, I know I'll have to do it but it doesn't mean that I have to like it.   

Looking forward to - Seeing John hold our son for the very first time.  I know it'll absolutely melt my heart a million times over.  Maybe this sounds a little selfish, but I'm also looking forward to not having to share my body with Jaxon; it's getting beyond painful.

Week 38 Fun Fact - Jaxon is still continuing to gain weight with each week.  At this point his head is about the same circumference as his abdomen.


Our hospital bags are packed, his room is finished and now, we wait…. We had another checkup this past Friday with McArthur.  We are now at the "full-term" mark.  Yay.  Strangely enough, I've stopped gaining weight even though Jaxon is continuing to gain weight weekly.  It's been a struggle with food lately because I know that I need to be eating a lot more than what I tend to do on most days but I feel so full already that I have no appetite or when I start eating I fill up after only a few bites.   I had contractions most of the night Thursday night but nothing that stayed consistent.  The OB checked me for dilation but I haven't dilated anymore than I had three weeks ago when I was at only a fingertip dilated.  Not the news we wanted to hear but on a positive note, it's looking like he's definitely going to be a June baby.  John would love to share his birthday week with Jaxon and it's looking like there's a very good chance of that.

This whole week I've been struggling a lot with the thoughts of having to go back to work after just a few short weeks after Jaxon's arrival.  It's been on my mind a lot and it's hard to put those thoughts on the back burner while I'm filling out FMLA forms and realizing just how quickly my time with him, being fully focused on him and not work, will be.  Growing up, I was never the girl that wanted kids (funny how things change).  A lot of that was due the the fact that I didn't want to be a working mom but always knew that times had changed from when I was born and most mom's work now.  Paying someone else to spend precious time with my child was something I didn't even want to think about, but now I have to think about it.  I know that being a full time stay at home mom is not in the cards currently but it doesn't make the idea settle any easier with me.  Lots of prayers are being said that when the time comes to go back, that I will know without a doubt that I'm doing the right thing and what's best for our family at the time.

 Yesterday was Memorial Day so we were both off from work.  It was a beautiful day to get out and enjoy the sunshine and our freedom but not forgetting those who paid the ultimate price for our freedom.  The North Buncombe High School Band set up a flag display of 600 flags.  They were absolutely gorgeous to see.  Flags could be purchased in memory of or in honor of our military veterans.  We purchased one for each of John's papaws as well as one for a fallen hero John had met during his time in Afghanistan.  My papaw already had one placed in the field for him but we made sure to find it.  In the picture of the two of us in front of the flags we are actually standing next to papaw Coy's flag.  It's hard thinking that Jaxon will grow up never knowing him, he was such an amazing person, but I'm sure I'll be telling him all about him over the years.

Dear Jaxon…. A letter to my unborn son

Jaxon Miles Bratz,

I can't believe that we are a week and a half away from your due date!  Momma and Daddy are so excited to meet you.  I'm sure from now until you are born will be the longest days of my life with so much anticipation built up.  Everything is prepared for your arrival, now we just wait.

The waiting gives me time to think and reflect back on how much can change in a person's life due to one thing.  That thing can simply be wrapped up into one word, LOVE.  You see, your daddy and I never imagined we'd ever be anxiously awaiting the arrival of a child of our own.  We never imagined as individuals that we'd settle down and get married either.  Nor did we ever imagine that we'd end up moving back to our hometown.  Yet here we are living in the town we grew up (for the most part, your daddy lived in NY for part of his childhood before moving a mile away from me).  It took your daddy some time to convince me to let him take me on a date, years actually, but it was all in God's timing and His timing was perfect.  Our first date, to Boston and New York, was beyond words but I knew that your daddy was unlike anyone else I'd ever met.  I knew he was the one God intended me to be with.  Our relationship fell into place with no reservations and no doubts.  After a year into our relationship daddy called your granddaddy from Afghanistan and asked if he approved for us to get married.  Of course granddaddy said that he wasn't giving me away but your daddy could gladly join our family. We were married while daddy was home for R&R from Afghanistan.  It was a small wedding in Nashville, TN, that's how we like to do things, even if it did upset some.  When we found out you would be coming into our lives, we were so excited and now we are anxiously awaiting your arrival.  Some days your daddy just looks at me and says he wished he could send me a picture of how life is now to my former self 5 years ago.  Love changed everything about the way we lived, saw life and looked at the future.  One day you too will see that love changes everything, even in your own life.

The first thing that your daddy said when I let him know that we were expecting was, "Please God don't let it be a girl."  Your daddy prayed hard for a little mister and he almost hit the roof (literally) the day he heard the words, "it's a boy."  Jaxon, your daddy loves you so much and he has big plans for you two.  He talks to you daily so I have no doubt that you will know exactly who he is on your birthday and you will already have a special bond.  Which is a good thing, because I'm not so sure he's going to share you once he gets his hands on you!  I can't wait to see you with your daddy.  He's awesome, which you will soon find out.  He has a heart of gold and will give his all in everything he does and you little one will be no exception to that.  

Your middle name, although not a family name, has so much meaning for me and your daddy.  You see, there were several thousand miles that separated us for years while he was in Afghanistan, but it drew us to one another.  We learned who each other was in ways that most spouses never get to.  We are thankful in that sense for the miles.  They drew us so close to each other and we proved that distance means nothing when someone means so much.  One day, we hope that you will keep in mind just what the Miles means and know that there was a lot of love behind the meaning of your name, it wasn't just a name we saw and liked.  Miles was part of our definition but we used it to make us stronger not pull us apart.  And you, Jaxon Miles, are making us even stronger than we could imagine and we still haven't met you.

As you grow older, I hope you have the patience with us that we will have to have with you as you learn about growing up and we learn about parenthood.  We are a little terrified that the hospital is actually going to send us home with you to raise but we are looking forward to the challenge.  

I can't wait to meet you my son!

Love - Momma 

37 Weeks

How far along? 37 weeks

Weight gain? 38 lbs -Yes, I lost weight this past week.  A 4lbs loss was definitely shocking!

Baby is the size of - a watermelon - yikes!

Stretch marks? Still haven't spotted any.  From the feel of my skin stretching from the weight of my belly, I'm completely shocked and still praying that I don't get any!

Sleep? Sleep ….remind me what that is again?  The best sleep I get is after I hit the snooze

Miss anything?  Moving with ease.

Cravings? Fruit and meat.  The look on John's face when he noticed I'd sat down next to him on the couch with a half of a watermelon and a spoon was priceless.  Hey, this girl wanted some watermelon!  

Anything make you queasy or sick? Still the aftermath of giving birth makes me queasy…

Symptoms? Pelvic pain is back and in full force.  It has been a miserably painful week.  So painful that I've resorted to sleeping with a heating pad between my legs in hopes to get even just the slightest bit of relief.  It doesn't really help but I keep telling myself that it might be more painful without the heating pad.  I'm seriously trying to fool myself into believing that…

Belly button - In or out? It's an outie and it's definitely not cute by any means!  Haha

Wedding rings - on or off? They are still off and I'm slowly coming to terms to that they will be till after delivery. Have I mentioned how much I miss wearing them?!

Any movement? He's been working on his leg muscles a lot this week.  We've found humor in my insanely crazy shaped belly, especially when he completely stretches his legs out!  We press against his feet and the other side of my belly (his butt) will protrude even further out.

Happy or moody? I've definitely not been a ray of sunshine this week, but I wouldn't consider myself moody either.  It always helps to have a husband that's as awesome as mine to keep be going and smiling when otherwise I wouldn't feel like it.

What emotions have you been experiencing this week? The holy smokes they are really going to let us take a baby home to raise emotions have been hitting me hard this week!  Of course since day one we've known that life is going to change so much with a baby but it's really sinking in now that everything is done and we're just waiting now.  I'm thrilled, I'm excited, I'm scared but most importantly I'm really looking forward to this adventure known as parenthood!   

Looking forward to - Seeing John hold our son for the very first time.  I know it'll absolutely melt my heart a million times over.

Week 37 Fun Fact - Jaxon is still continuing to gain weight.

There's not much to highlight for this week.  I did start my weekly appointments this week with the OB.  Nothing says you are getting close to delivery day like knowing you have weekly appointments from here on out and noticing that your belly has "dropped."  Our bags are packed, including snacks for L&D for John and afterwards for the both of us.  John has the carseat loaded and secured into the Jeep, he even took it by the fire department to have it inspected to make sure it was correct.  We are ready and we are as prepared as prepared can be when it comes to bringing a child into the world.  I don't think anyone could ever honestly say they are fully prepared, but we are as much as possible.

Jaxon, we are beyond excited to meet you!